On that rainy evening...

On that rainy evening...



     Last night, I got stuck in the rains. Experienced the usual Bangalore traffic in the night (yesterday it got denser, coz of 'anjaneya jayanti' ). Rains! Otherwise, its wonderful to play around during the rains. But when it comes to travelling back home, in heavy rains ; the feeling is awful, disgusting! Thanks to the song 'hosanna' (jo meri kaano me baj raha tha, coz i heard the song around 20 times in the day!!) - i was in a fairly good mood while going back home(which is a rare case). Else commuting in bmtc buses during peak hours,(in the evenings) pisses me off!! For a while, in the bus, i listened to music on radio. Thanks to my (rarely appearing) absent-mindedness, i had forgotten to charge my mobile and the battery got low (so i had to switch off the radio too!!). I was left with no work now. Just took out my book, and tried 'by-hearting' the lyrics of hosanna.(i love doing crazy,freaky things). it's sooo difficult to grasp tamil songs!. I gave up. Only hosanna ka tune kept ringing in my mind.





   With no other option left, i again went into the 'i' mode (i,me,myself,Introspection!). (I was pissed of coming across strangers daily in the buses, listening to their family matters (why do they want ME to hear their oor wumbu. I dont wanna be a listener:(. I am a talker. I love chitter chatter. I love blabbering, eating people's head, irritating people (the 'prime' aim of my life!). Neyz, let me cut the crap here. So, I was scrutinizing my life in the past 2 months(with 'hosanna' still in my mind); to know exactly where am i heading on to. What's going on in my life. BLANK!! I saw no memory worth cherishing. Only failed plans of meeting old buddies, craving for that 'jadoo ki jhappi' from them, struggling to make time for small yummy gossips(which held a very special place during college days), no time to spare for the subjects of gossips!!Got so much vexed that each message saying 'i feel like meeting you' irritated me.(not that i didnot want to meet them, but obviously for the fact that the plans have been failing each time v made it, for some god-damn reasons. I don't have the time, sometimes they don't have:)!). What went wrong. All of a sudden, a fact crashed my mind. You are no longer a college-going student....

     I reached the junction where i have to catch another bus to home. Thanks to Anjaneya, I got my direct bus!(else i was expecting getting stuck even more badly in the rains). I got into the bus, got a seat too(which i consider a PRIVILEGE). A part of me was absolutely pissed, there was this other part of me completely subdued by 'hosanna' that kept me going. Continued with the introspection, the 'quarter-life crisis' that i was going through. (thanks that i realized that there's something of that sort, which everyone of my age-group goes through!!). Unpleasant changes, perhaps the inevitable ones(preparing us to face the 'real world'). I stress the point, i love talking; but i ended up transforming into a listener. I listen. I hear. I listen to what crap people have to say, i listen to whatever the kids tell me, I listen to people in office, I listen to people at home. Over the phone too, I just 'listen'. All that i speak when they ask me to is "I am leading a 'mechanical' life. I got nothing new to say". Well, leading the 'aditya' part of Jab we met.:D A boring life. Nothing rocking. I feel like dancing, i feel like running, go back to my childhood days, play. But here i am, leading a plain, mechanical life. Didnot bring me too down too (because of the awareness that i am going through a mandatory phase of life called 'quarter-life crisis'; moreover thanks to 'hosanna' too:D.

     I reached my stop, and it was raining really heavy. Heived a sigh of relief, that i am almost home. Though i had carried the umbrella with me, i waited for a while outside a shop ,for the downpour to slow down. Thankfully, it slowed down in a few minutes(Thanks Anjaneya once again). Now, I seeked the beauty of a rainy night. I walked towards my home on the completely deserted road. 'Hosanna' was playing very loud in my mind, cz that was the only company i had at that point of time. And i was singing out loud, the song ,of course pronouncing it wrong, but who cares(Apology to rehmanites)!l Again i felt a strange dream come true(I always dreamt of walking alone on an empty road in rains, in the night. Inspired from 'Show me the meaning-BSB).  Felt a deep craving in mind 'kaash k i had that someone special' (yeah, the pisd off part of me was expecting that atleast one soul would cal or message me, asking whether i reached home safe or not!!None did). Never mind. I was having the moment of my life. Came back home. As usual, the 'pisd off' part showed up a bit; when i got frustrated looking at my mobile (no message yet!!). But again, the song kept me cool. This is life! I said to myself. And suddenly remembered a friend LK's comments "nobody is going to be with you till the end". I was too tired. Had my dinner, and winded up my day. I just thank Jenny for calling me up though:D

     Well, transition from a college life to the real world is really an unpleasant, tough phase .You expect nothing else, but the Unexpected. Do things, that you dont want to (may it be something good for your future). Tell everyone that you are 'fine', even when you are not. Try to make other's laugh and smile, even when you yourself need somebody to do tat. Listen to other's despairs, when you yourself need a listener very badly. Chuck that, you cant meet your buddies; and you somehow don't have time to spend with yourself too! Some peaceful time! Perhaps, that's what is meant by 'growing up'. Is it? I dunno.Since last 2 months, that's what i have been doing. Duh..the QLC...


There's an innocence that has kind of gone away. Umm . . . the novelty factor hasn't been there for a while.