The waves

‘thankfully, atleast you are by my side’ – Laveena looked at the sea waves that dashed the shores on a warm summer evening.

She'd often appreciated the dusky summer evenings than winter and rainy days.

Breathing deeply a breeze of air -  ‘its only You that make me feel….’

‘Romantic ..?’ – Gaurav was watching the shore as well, sitting at a slight distance from her. He thought she was talking to him.

Startled at his reply - ‘oh..I…I think I was…’ after a pause ‘little..lost’ – she covered up with a grin

‘oops…sorry..never mind’ – he apologized; realizing things. He too was kind of... Lost in thoughts!

Both Gaurav and Laveena were strangers to each other. That evening somehow they happened to be in the same state of mind, and were looking for some peace...which they felt, they would find by the sea..

**** 

 Not too late from then, neither too far from Laveena and Gaurav..

‘you hurt me. I don’t want to talk to you’ – cried the girl

‘No. it was You who hurt me! You are a liar’ – came another cry..this time..of a boy

’but I got the game from my brother’ - girl

‘and you ditched me, did not play at all!’ – boy, sounding serious.

‘but you liked the game a lot right, moreover Ishaan and Vikrant were also with you?’ – girl, confused.

‘I wanted to play with you! Just that!’ – he sulked.

‘ but I borrowed from bhaiyaa..just for you..’ – she explained, continuing ‘ and I had a lot of Math assignment to complete – I realized late..i will get a remark from my teacher if I did not complete it’ – she continued getting a tad emotional.

‘I too had my home-work to do. I completed it and came just to play with you!’ – he said, continuing -

‘you are just giving reasons! Anyways, I will buy a game of my own and play with Anup’s gang’

‘okay..do whatever you want. My brother owns the game, I will play with him and his friends..you are not my best friend any more’ – she retaliated.

‘you think without you I cannot do anything! Go..go to your brother and other friends..I don’t want a friend like you....forget being a ‘best friend’’- he revolted back.

.....-  ‘kaheen na kaheen kuch na kuch toh kar hi loonga’ - he grumbled ... as they turned away from each other

 ****

the boy's last line, rather dramatic, made Laveena chuckle..it was too heavy a dialog for a 10-ish year old boy. ‘aaj kal ke bachche’ – she commented - ‘wherever he learnt that dialog from’ - and shrugged

Gaurav, who too was watching silently, did not reply. might be another slip of her thoughts!. He dint want to embarrass himself by responding this time. They continued watching…

****** 

..Near the shore, the little girl involved herself in designing the castle she had planned with her ‘best friend’ – all by herself now. They had almost reached their favourite spot to build this, together, but because they had picked up a row on some old issue, they decided to part ways and build it individually

The boy, never to give up, started digging up sand to build one – of his own..at a distance not too far from the girl.

She had laid a beautiful design for the castle, however her tiny hands struggled to grasp the sand and build it.

  He, on the other hand, managed to dig out enough of the material, but struggled on where to start from for he knew, she knew it better. 

None spoke. Both were determined. They glared a couple of times at each other, and then turned away - pretending to be busy building their own stuff

****

Both Laveena and Gaurav – still silent, considered helping the kids, but then a series of ‘what if’s…?’ held them back. None had enough experience with handling kids. It felt safe to play mute spectators instead, considering the intense mood the kids were in!

****

The little boy and girl gave one more glare at each other, when suddenly out of the blues, a terrible wave gushed in and washed away her design and his heap of sand. She turned to watch in dismay, he shriveled.

‘Damn-it!’ – Gaurav jolted instantly! Laveena could not speak - her own thoughts crossed each other, of course, she was relating to something else – something – rather someone she was on the verge of losing...

*****
The kids looked helplessly at each other for a moment..

Should I go pacify them? A chocolate would do? Or some funny cartoon-story? Or consider patching each other up? – thoughts of the same frequency were now ran in both Gaurav and Laveena’s minds...the silent spectators felt for them..

But before they could come to a decision, a sudden turn of events  –

***** 

‘bas..phir aisa nahi hoga – tu wahaan par design laga.. - announced the boy, clearly determined, pointing to a safer place where waves were not likely to touch –  ‘ye paani apne aapko kya samajhta hai’ - he started digging up the sand once again.

‘haan..aur yeh le’ – as she picked up a broken piece of wood. ‘is par apna mitti daal…koi leher tera kuch nahi bigaad sakta’ – she responded, as they teamed up instantly.

[Engrossed in their task ..]

‘I am very sorry…shaayad meri galti thi..main tujhe thoda pehle bata deti na’ – the girl said meekly.

‘nahi re…tera Maths weak hai na..its okay’ – he smiled back assuring her there was no war between them.

‘tu Anup ki gang ke saath khelne jaayega?’

‘areey pagli..main kyun jaaun..hum dono ko Anup pasand nahi hai na ' .. keeping her engaged...mai tere ghar hi aaunga..Sunday ko khelenge..Vikrant aur Ishaan bhi hai na.’ – as they continued their Sunday plans until a beautiful castle was built up – no wave could touch it...the kids jumped out of sheer excitement at their task accomplished

‘humne iske liye kitni planning ki thi na..Finally ban gaya’ – there was joy twinkling in their eyes. There was joy in two other pair of eyes too…

‘agar hum phir se friends nahi bante toh ye kabhi nahi banta na’ – the girl realized.

‘aise kaise nahi banne deta..hum dono humesha se best friends the’ – finally declaring ‘I am also sorry na’... adding rather precociously  - 'humaara dream-castle zyada important tha, ladaai nahi' - not realizing he had struck 2 chords directly, unbeknown to him

'ab chal ...bigaad humara ghar' - the boy mocked at the sea waves that was far from touching their dream-house.

****

…. the fight? – seemed like they had never happened. It was just the castle and the gut to confront the wave, together,  that had mattered, above all.

 ‘kaash koi camera ya mobile hota humare paas..ek photo le lete’ – as they still stood admiring their creation.

At this, both Gaurav and Laveena, not giving a second thought, sprang up, caught hold of a tourist photographer who was wandering around, and fulfilled the kids wish - ‘is photo ke peeche apna naam aur aaj ki date likh dena, theek hai na?’ – Gaurav instructed to the kids, and they nodded obediently.

The elders’ presence was felt for a short time – for the kids were still in the amazement of fulfilling their dream.

****

It grew little darker. The kids were returning happy..holding each others hands..

Laveena had found her answer – and turned to Gaurav – who somehow shared the same frequency with her that evening. They exchanged a brief smile, and Laveena, parted her way...

For one last time she turned back to look at the happy kids, with a gratitude on her face – ‘aaj kal ke bachche’ and walked towards her car to return to where she had packed her bags from – picking out the separation papers, and crushing them - this was not the solution. a small wave of brawl did not mean the end!

All she wanted to do, was just hug her husband, and remind him of the dreams they had shared together...she knew he was still waiting for her...

 ***

After some time…

****

With the kids and the young lady gone, Gaurav, who was playing his cool all the while, instantly dialled – 

‘Puja....listen. ..i know kuch dinon se humaare beech, kuch galat ho raha hai.. lekin i have realized..it was never about me against you..it's about us, facing it together..shaayad galti meri bhi thi...but I just wanted you to know…’ his voice shivered..’i still..'- he gulped a lump in his throat.. 'i..am waiting for you...please call me back..’ – and he hung his voice message.

He sat staring at the waves waiting... letting only the darkness watch his tears roll down from his eyes...

The phone rang..

The castle the little girl and the boy had built, together,  faced the sea-waves in glory..untouched...

The yellow Rose

     The kids were escorted to the first floor ‘green room’ for make-up. Some of them were excited, some all lost. A boy fascinated by the lip color demanded the make-up didi to apply some for him; the girl went on hating her costume until she was convinced she looked pretty.  Yet another little girl, proudly took care of the boy (just a little littler than her) –  she wouldn’t leave his  hand. Some were waiting, all set & prepared to go to the Stage-Hall; one or two of them started dance inside the green room as soon as they were ready, lost in their own world!

…...

     The show was about to begin. One of the hosts gave a pre-start call and then the program kick-started.

     One by one, the participants were called out. The groups of kids / adults alike, not taking time, immediately took their places for performing, as & when they were called out. The kids happily danced to the tunes they recognized were theirs – a few mocking their teachers (who were dancing side-stage). Nevertheless, they danced and sang their hearts out. The anchors, in between performances, gave their thank-you’s and dose of audience-entertainment. And there were also performances by the show supporters, Mothers and the Staff. The atmosphere was a typical cheer, fun & talent filled with energy.

     A super-kid, who had recently won an International gold-medal in para Olympics was honored. Show-stealer as she was – she took everybody’s breath away with her dance performance (one could not forget)! Three hours of time floated fully alive; with passionate singers, dancers, speakers, photographers & organizers at work – all with just their hearts and a spirit to make a difference.

     The show ended with a final dosage of 'Thank-yous'; and then a happy note of declaring a school day off.

     Soon after the show ended, one of the show anchors prepared to wind up (she had a bag of mixed emotions to carry and contemplate). Just then, a little boy stood in front of her from no-where, showing her a yellow-rose. Surprised, she gestured the boy asking whether the flower was for her, and that she wanted it. The boy signaled it was not, and disappeared as quickly as he had appeared in front of her. Little importance did she give to it, when the little boy returned to her and patted on her back, with another rose in his hand – gesturing this one was for her. There was an innocent grin, a joy of selflessness, on his face...and the anchor..was 'awe-struck'! (....and so a friend who was watching all this!)

Yes. The child was Special – not in the sense the world calls him; but in a way that he had demonstrated what it meant to make someone 'feel special'...


                                                  Goodness does not need a state-of-mind. It just needs an open heart…

Courtesy: Annual Day Event at Sambhav Foundation – a center for rehabilitation of mentally challenged, disabled children and slow learners…

                                                  

just a short story

11 year old Ayesha was sitting on a bench of a park. It was a breezy weekend evening and the children from the nearby locality had come out to play. Ayesha did not belong to this locality, her aunt had just brought her along for company.

[Aunt had to pay a short visit to someone in the apartment. On the way, Ayesha was fascinated by the park bubbling with energy, and chose to wait there, while her aunt finished her visit. This wasn’t a big deal for her aunt – she let her do so]

Ayesha was thoroughly enjoying the aura of the place – that of the children chirping around merrily in groups, the cool breeze of the wind and the leaves swaying in glory along the wind. ‘how I wish I could play with them’ – she wanted to! But nobody here knew her, and it was supposed to be too short a visit to go introduce and play. She sat back.

Just then, she heard cute little sighs from her right. A child sitting on the same bench, was whimpering and mumbling over something. He seemed to be a 5-6 years old kid.

She turned to the child and lovingly enquired – ‘Whats your name? why are you crying?’

Child – ‘daddy gave me only 20 rupees. I wanted to buy the new chocolate. It costs 35 rupees. He refused it’..and then suddenly remembering…’my name is Rohan. What is your name?’

‘Ayesha. But you can still buy another chocolate right. You get many good ones with 20rupees too’

‘nooo. that Nishan was showing it off yesterday. He ate away the entire chocolate without giving it to me. I too want one. I also want to show him’ – he cried.

Ayesha smiled to herself. This was something new she was experiencing this day.

‘so you want the chocolate only to show him? I thought you wanted the chocolate to enjoy it!’

‘ummm..i want to enjoy it and then show to Nishan’

Poor little Ayesha still couldnot clearly figure out what was running in the child’s mind. Nevertheless..

*** 

She extended her hand and showed few coins that she had held, to the child.

‘will you be able to count the total amount of money these coins will make up’ – she smiled.

The child nodded – ‘yes’ – he meekly answered.

‘its totally 15 rupees’ – the child tried to hand over the coins to Ayesha.

‘keep it with you. 15 added to 20 rupees will make 35. You can buy the chocolate now’ – she glowed.

‘..and  show to your friend now’ – she mimicked smilingly

The child was dumb struck – ‘then what will you do? You don’t want to buy anything?’

‘not exactly. My school teacher says you should help everyone who is crying or is needy, and then God will help you’

‘huh? But my daddy told you should not take money from strangers’ – the child innocently blurted out.

‘Oh..okay..then you can leave the coins beside me..on the bench itself’ – she smiled and again went into the aura of the park.

 ***

Half-heartedly, the child left the coins on the bench and started moving towards his apartment. 

Just then – ‘Hey kiddo, why is your nose so red. What happened’.  It was Riya didi. Rohan’s neighbor.

‘nothing..i want to buy a choco….’  Riya happened to drop a print out from her hand that she was taking out from her bag. this distracted tiny Rohan.

‘what’s that didi?’

‘that’s a list of people and the amount of money people have given to me’

‘Money? But why did people give you money?’ – innocently.

‘ah.. let me explain you in brief. There’s this little girl who cannot see, she is blind. She can regain her eyesight, but her operation demands a lot of money. Her parents did not have sufficient money, and so they reached out to my school for help’

With mouth and eyes wide open – ‘haaa…and then?’ curiously.

‘My school chose few students from my high school, who need to collect money from our locality for this purpose. I am one of the selected volunteers. Remember the other day I had come to your place and your mumma gave me some money….?’ – she explained proudly.

He nodded assertingly - ‘So you will give this money to them?’ – curiosity increasing.

‘Yes. She needs it very badly, right? We felt we must help her’ – explaining further –‘I need to give a copy of this list to her guardian. She had come to visit us, she is talking to my mom. She will be coming down in few minutes’

The minute Riya finished explaining this, Rohan ran hastily towards the bench, crying out – ‘Riya didi. Don’t go away until I return’

Riya was puzzled. Nevertheless, she waited.

‘Ayeshaaaa’ – he gave a hasty cry. The coins still lay beside her on the bench. ‘I am taking all of your money’.

‘Okay. So finally you decided to buy your chocolate’ – she smiled. The kid had already fled towards Riya didi, Ayesha’s words were unnoticed.

***

‘Here is the list, aunty. The school will hand over the cheque to you’ – Riya was talking to the blind girl’s guardian.

‘Wait' - cried Rohan. 'Here it is.  Take these. 15 rupees added to 20 will make 35’ - repeating Ayesha's words

Riya was surprised - where did you get this money from?

'15 rupees is my friend's. She wanted to help others. 20 are mine. i too want to help'

Riya affectionately – ‘awwww..that’s so sweet of you kiddie. I will add your name too in the list…and will not forget to tell your mummy papa about it’ [but mummy-papa would have already known about it before she could have informed them. Rohan was already jumping towards his house excitedly to narrate the turn of events..]

The aunt took the list, and thanked Riya. After bidding a good bye to the lady, Riya turned towards her apartment [in the same direction where Rohan ran]. The lady walked towards the bench…

***

‘Ayesha, beta? Shall we go?’

Turning towards her aunt’s voice and smiling – ‘jee chachi’

‘your stick is fallen down, beta. Guess you did not notice it. You did not stroll around anywhere?’

‘no chachi. I was enjoying the park from here itself. Did not feel the need’

‘Don’t worry, we will not need them much longer’ – the aunt handed over the supporting stick to Ayesha.

 

Aunt remembered something suddenly, and confessed – ‘So sorry, beta. I was in a bit hurry, I forgot to tell you that the number of coins I gave you was totally 15 rupees. Did you come across any vendor? Was the money sufficient? Hope you had something to eat’

‘No’ – as she directed her way through the stick, head held up high and smiling.

‘I helped a little boy, to buy his favourite chocolate…by now he must have got it.’

unaware that her money, alongwith the child's, had travelled back to her; she gleamed as she imagined the happiness the boy would have felt after buying the chocolate...

what goes around, comes around...

…

The Long Run

She woke up early in the morning, much earlier today. She put her regular track suits on, and stepped out of her rented apartment, for the daily run – without disturbing her roomie. Where was she heading to? Only she knew.

It was a summer morning, and the sun had woken up earlier – at 5, as if to accompany her. For a change, she chose to have a run across the hilly terrain that was close to a mile away from her apartment (she could view this terrain from her bedside window, and had always wanted have a full run till the peak - dream run – she called it)

****

She was neither an athlete nor a Sports person. Running was a childhood interest that she had picked up again, a year ago. ‘Doctors have asked me to’, she said to anyone who were curious about her regular morning run that she hardly missed, since she had re-started it. It had turned more of a meditation for her than just an exercise – this was the only route that lightened her up and made her feel like a child – everything else – seemed unclear, confusing, undecideable. Of course, she was one among the millions of 25 somethings – who were in the same league!

Are you ready? – she cocked her eyebrows and looked at the highest point –as if challenging herself! This would be the longest run of her life – her dream run! She would be leaving the city in another week….forever.

***** 

After a 5-minute warm up, she started the jog. As she continued the run, her mind started reminiscing memories of the last four years of her life spent in the so-called most happening Industry-hub. She ran, feeling the same feel that she had the first day she had entered the city - her first job, her first steps into a glamorous world, her first pay, her first independence, her first ‘work friends’. This was an easy run, as she passed through a clear path. This path was where most of the folks stuck in groups around, taking comfortable morning walks. There was a slight breeze – birds had started chirping sweetly. Everything was fresh, pleasant.

She continued running further - droplets of sweats oozing out of her forehead pores now. The road further was now little narrow – the place where the walking groups split – people who preferred ‘comfortable’ walks did not prefer accompanying the ones who wanted to go further. This was the only way to the peak.

Here, her run got a little careful, she could see from a distance, that a bushy passage was coming up – while her mind parallely played pictures of the next phase that was filled with a string of lessons on the other side of blind trust, respect, seemingly helping people & money; a phase totally unexpected she had to deal and lead her life with. She started sweating profusely, breathing heavy - her pulse rate got higher. She was getting little exhausted now and she wanted to take a break. A second thought – ‘no regrets later’ pepped up her spirits and she moved on to run further towards that bushy passage - at the end of which her mind had pre-calculated the ‘break time’.

  Just when she looked around to distract herself from the pictures she did not want to remember – she came across a pleasant looking figure smiling warmly at her. There was a déjà vu feeling when she glanced through his eyes. ‘Ignore’ – she instructed herself almost immediately, and passed by him to enter into the bushy passage. She noticed that the bushes around were quite thorny, and she slowed down her pace.

The music player – her running companion – happened to play the lines ‘no man, no cry’ from one of her high-school favorite tunes. Back then, in high-school, it was just for the music that she admired this song; she did not know the line would apply to her in a short phase later in life! The lyrics led her to some other myriad of thoughts – that of judgements and doubts – disturbing her entire purpose of the run. Some kind of an anger crept in her mind. The song was over, and the player moved on to play much better numbers which she had not noticed – yet she was thumping her legs - was she running towards her dream, or running away from something else..all alone? She felt lonely…for the first time. Her run, all of a sudden seemed irrational!

Lost in deep thoughts, just when she was losing her focus; a thorn scratched her hand, leaving a cut and slight bleed. The prick had just brought her back to the present, and a sudden realization of her original purpose of the run. ‘Judgements can do that’ she said to herself…continuing ‘a thorn is very much needed’ as she let go off the string of thoughts that followed. Her aim was to reach the top, not fret over phases of life and doubt her prime goal. She was almost towards the end of the thorny passage. Thankfully, she had not stopped running, despite the disturbing thoughts that took over her mind for a few seconds!

She was out of the thorny passage, her heart beating upto her throat. Drops of sweat were showering down from her forehead. Her moist  limbs now felt the mist and the cool breeze that was blowing as the sun rose further.

 She slowed down to walk and then stopped for another warm-up. This was an illusionary peak of the terrain. She closed her eyes and stretched her arms to feel the waves of energy that the run so far had brought into her. Just then she sensed the déjà vu feeling again. She opened her eyes and found the same figure, giving the same warm smile as he entered the same passage, from where she was just out.

She glanced back in confusion, ‘twins maybe’ and at once turned to look at her distance-meter that displayed 1.5 miles – she had covered three quarters of the terrain. Coincidentally, this was the latest target that she had achieved, from over a year of practise, no wonder, she managed to accurately time her ‘break’ rather instinctively!

The peak looked close to another mile of run. It was this ‘extra mile’ that would bring a whole new difference to her life – her dream! There were hardly a couple of people around. The thorny passage had filtered down the number of people from coming up..

She finished her final warm up, and changed the music to a meditation tune to stay as focused as she could be. She did not try to answer the thoughts that asked her ‘will u be able to do it?’. ‘One leap of faith, at a time’ – she had prepared herself mentally as she leapt her way to the peak..

The ‘extra mile’ was the ‘I,me,myself’ run. Her focus was neither on the peak, nor in the last four years she had spent in the city. It was just in the ‘present’ that she focused on. Her breathing got heavier, as she marched forward step-by-step. Her body felt a sense of exhileration. Nobody had chosen this peak for her, it was her run – her lone determination – her own dream. As she reached close to the peak, a strange sense of joy sprang out of her, a joy that was lying as an undercurrent for a while. She felt as happy as a child would in her very first run of life.

Victorious as she felt – the peak invited her blessedly as if waiting for her since eons. She slowed down again at the peak, and finally stood still, her palms holding her her knees..her eyes scanning the ground. She was again sweating profusely, the drops that mixed with tiny droplets that trickled down her eyes. She felt at peace, when she sensed every cell of her being beating out in glory. She felt a strange sense of belonging here – the feeling that shed all of her inhibitions and doubts her own mind had, about her dream run.

After basking in the glory of reaching the peak, she stood up took a view of the world that looked tiny now, held her hands on her waist and said to herself – ‘What next?’

She felt the same déjà vu feeling that now was somehow in sync with the feeling of peace she felt within herself. She looked around…

‘Hi. Varun!’ – it was the same tall figure, who walked upto her this time and extended his hand to her, looking straight into her eyes, with a warm smile.

She stared – blank, with eyes wide open, like a child – thinking what to say.

‘Aage saath chalen?’ – he continued, continuing his smile too.

Her heart was already beating faster, droplets of sweat were already trickling down from her forehead. Her breath had already gone heavy. She just had run the longest run of her life - all by herself….or was it because of the tall figure standing right in front of her?

Will he try to change the direction of my run further? Or be my company to the way I choose further? – she had to play the balance.

‘When in confusion, trust your instincts’ – she assured herself.

She was just about to smile back, when something felt like gnawing the prick on her cut hand..

__________________________________________________________________________________

…'Eeeks'..She woke up, startled, with slight pain in her hand. It was her phone vibrating, the edge of which was touching exactly the spot where the thorn had pricked her the previous day, on the hilly terrain.

 The screen displayed, ‘Varun calling…’

She received it, letting out a sigh...looking outside from her bedside window...talking nothing.

‘Wake up, kiddo. Dreams again!’ – there was that same old warm smile at the other end, she could sense.

‘Hmmm..good moorningg..i’m awake’ – she dragged; slowly waking up from her dream. A draggy morning note with a sigh - invariably meant that she had had a dream – he knew that, he knew her.

‘Get up, get ready..go to office. Just one more week to go..and then saath chalna hai’ – he tried to flirt.

‘hmmm’ – she replied and they continued the mushy conversation , till she was fully awake and he, asleep.

With close to 12 hours of time-zone difference between them, they had this unsigned pact of waking up the other, when one was winding up the day – that continued daily for almost seven months now, ever since they were engaged to each other. The wedding was just a month ahead. This was her last week in the city she had spent four long years of her career – her first four years after college life; and was returning home to get married, and settle down to where her husband would..

Strangers..

The entire team of 30 was present at Toit. This was a success party from him. He was just back from the 5-week International Dance tour arranged by his Dance Academy. Being an all-rounder, he was one of the greatest assets for his Academy, and one of the Leads. Hardly had he imagined that he would be a key player in this initiative, and that it would be a huge success!

The crowd cheered as he opened the bottle of Champagne they had gifted for this grand success.

Someone from the lot shouted, “ Koi speech de de, yaar..yeh sab kaise hua..how do you feel”

(..yeh sab kaise hua..he shrugged at the thought of it. The crowd would not believe,  if he were to reveal the true ‘yeh sab kaise hua’…)

He blinked, took a deep breath, and replied..

“God’s grace” – he remarked without a thought.

“Well, I may sound too philosophical now, but then I have to say this!” – his voice went deeper – “There’s one streak in each one of us, that’s irrespective of the outside world – what the world talks about us, how the world treats us, or how it looks at us! You name it anything – Talent, Passion, the Love of your Life, God gift – whatever! And when it knocks you, there’s just nothing else to it”

Silence in the crowd!

 “yaaron! Pehle main bhi in baaton ko bakwaas hi manta tha”’ – he winked as he heard a couple of whistles from the crowd, continuing – “But I owe a very big Thanks to Someone, who is not present here”

 “kaun hai woh, haan ?”.. Who, eh?” - some more whistles

Looking at the floor and then quickly back to the audience

“A random Stranger” – he smirked.

Couple of howls, and then the team slowly started getting immersed with the drinks and food, that came in by then.

Taking this chance, Mayur slipped out of the crowd to have some time of his own (the last three words of his own speech had somehow got him disturbed). His thoughts wandered at the past, and came to a halt at that one instance..when the both had met last..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

11 months ago:

They were Strangers...

...They had turned into strangers!

( ‘Saale yeh third person beech me aake sab kuch gotala kar dete hain. Very dangerous!’ - Ragini had agreed once, when one of her close friends had said this –‘ even worse when there are more that one ‘third person’ – she had told him)

---

Mayur spotted her taking a stroll at the office cafeteria. She doubted if she would step into this  campus ever again. This was Ragini's last day as an Employee. She would be pursuing her Masters in Mass Communication abroad and work with her cousin as a partner in his Consultancy firm.

“So..finally you have decided” – he said, as he walked and stood up in front of her  “(to leave Me)” – he said to himself.

“yep..just the right time” – she replied, with half-a-smile. “(its just too late to ask)” – to herself.

 “dreams coming true and all, eh – real fighter” – he said  (i wish I was in that list) – to himself.

“yep..kind of” – another half smile, concealing “(not all become true)” – to herself

There was a vacuum – of silence. Only two pairs of eyes looking at each other, with nothing in mind.

Breaking the silence..she continued “There’s that one streak in each one of us, Mayur  – a passion – that overcomes all the h…” –a sigh, and she left her statement trailing..

“at least for once, please attempt to make it work. i don’t even know if I can interfere any more, but you can do it! Not for that Big name..but atleast for Yourself…to meet the same old person you have had been”

He blankly looked at the floor tight-lipped and refused. He was lost! Making this promise looked tough! (why should I, at all ...? i can't live without you. i hate you - he thought in his mind)... he frowned.

She stretched out her palm at him..as she uttered “I still have..” .

Alert, he again turned and took a step closer to her- “you still have..?” – with a heavy breathe, looking deep into her eyes now.

'"h..hopes..you can , i know" - gulping the actual words she had in mind.

she stressed her hand that had reached out to him and nodded - "promise me, you will take your dance to an International level..it's not for ME!"

He had no clue how, but he knew that was the right thing to do. He nodded back and grasped her hand – only for a moment. (just for you) - he said to himself

There were these vibes in the air, that only the two could understand.It was time for Ragini to leave.

She controlled her urge to look back, as she walked towards the Exit gate. Her tears would shatter him to pieces..She knew that.

 Neither did Mayur wait. He gazed at his hand that had just given a promise, a promise he had now decided to fulfill - just for her. And then, he walked inside..

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"Dude, where were you lost? we were looking out for u!” he startled, as he heard Angelo, a common well wisher, calling him inside. Lost in thoughts - he had not noticed the missed calls he'd received in the last 20 minutes.

“No where, come on, let's go inside”, as he patted Angelo.

“Are you guys in touch”, asked Angelo, sensing what possibly could have been in Mayur's mind.

“Nope”, he replied, as he unlocked his phone and opened the photo Album of his latest success. 

As he scanned through the pictures, he knocked into one, which swept him off his feet. It was that of his audience at the Mega Dance event. 

Right in the middle of the ecstatic crowd, there was this strikingly familiar face, brimming with pride, filled with tears in her eyes...a face he had not seen since the last eleven months..

Author's note: Love aint always a mushy story…!:)

At the table

      It was another weekend meet for the TQS4. Their college folks had named this gang of four -  'The Quad Squad' ( which sounded like,  some sniffer dogs squad according to Akshaya). Eventually, they got used to it, and added the suffix 4 - their TQS touch to it. And this had become their identity, even 5 years after passing out of their Degree College.


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     Vishaka had called Trishna, Akshaya and Samridhi at the Queens' Mall; to give them a formal invite for her elder brother's wedding due for the next month. (they could do without the formality. this was just a reason to catch up). Held up with too much of workload, Trishna could not make it for the meet, that weekend.

      So, there they were in the food bay.. at a table, a table meant for four; in the afternoon.  Considering Aki and Sam's personal commitments, they had decided to keep this meet shorter than regular - just a lunch and a kuppa coffee.

     Thirty minutes passed by.. None had started any conversation still.  Akshaya was singing an all-time fav track of hers to herself, audible to only the other two. Vish was fiddling with her mobile, at the same time making a random sketch on a tissue with glitter pens. Sam was just watching around, and was, as usual, in her deep thoughts. Surprisingly, none gossipped about the newly wedded couple from their college. They (including Vishaka herself) were already fed up of her breakup saga (that had taken long hours of phone calls a couple of days ago). Stories of upcoming alliances for the 3 had reached a stage of boredom (Akshaya was married, and groom hunt was on for the other 3 of these 25-somethings). Whining about work-life - the same gossips, politics, bad hikes etc etc - was an absolute waste of time, they knew!

     Grass looked the same, at all the sides. All they enjoyed at that moment was - the mere presence of the other....FRIENDS!

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     "My husband asked me what am I passionate about last week" - Akshaya was the first one to break the silence.

     "What question about PASSION!? Your hubby is already fed up of you, eh?!" -  shot Vishaka instantly. Spontaneity was her nature! The trio burst out laughing.

    "Then what did you tell him" - asked Samridhi, post the pause that followed their laughter. Sam sounded a bit serious. This girl was a sophisticated mind.

     "I was blank!" - replied Akshaya "but then, that made me think!" ...she continued.

    "think like...?" - probed Sam.

     "well..like...if I could have it all, and I had no limits to do whatever I wanted, what would have I chosen to do!" - Akshaya would have got whacked, if this statement was made 4-5 years ago - inside their college campus, or even at the same table they were sitting right then! But at that point of time, it had made a lot of sense, it stirred them to some serious thinking...Vish got little uncomfortable with the question.

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     "I just feel like quitting everything..and become a priestess or a Nun!" - grumbled Vish with a drop of tear trailing down her cheek, leaving a tinge of silence in the air. Akshaya and Sam looked at each other. They knew where it was coming from. All the more, deep down her heart, Sam too felt the same - but for a different reason. Sam was the sole bread winner for her family and the additional pressure of balancing Work   with personal life had gotten the better off her.

     In a couple of seconds, Vishaka's emotions got a soother; when she found Akshaya's hand clasping hers; and Sam patting her head gently.

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     "You are right, Aki..We've got so much involved in trying to just fulfill our daily commitments, and making li'l sacrifices - that we hardly realize we are going far from ourselves" - the thoughtful mind - Sam - was giving a direction to the conversation.

     "I still love to think of the good ol' days, when I used to assist Neeta ma'm in her yoga training sessions. Back then, it was just the thrill of those 200 bucks. Pocket money! Had never imagined I'd miss it so bad, and come to think of it this serious!"....

     "Why don't you continue it ? Don't tell me you don't have time for it!" - Aki hit it right.

     "don't have time for all that now..." - irated Vish.

     "Give me a break, Vish! You have enough to still get onto long calls, going on and off with him, and end up hurting yourself! Why don't you spend that time on something good for yourself, instead? something that uplifts you! " - asserted Aki. Vish took a deep breath! Aki was talking the truth. It was all about priorities! Choices!

     "My thoughts, your words, Aki! Had no courage to face it. But, you just said it and things look pretty clearer now!" - acknowledged Sam, continuing "All this doesn't happen in  just love, Vishi. Things just creep in where people are not open enough!  People who were a constant support, go against you all of a sudden! Trusts break, true colors pop up! People ignore you, try de-motivating you, or hurting you on your face! You call it jealousy, insecurity, effect of some hormonal problems or whatever! But then, what do you choose to give your 'time'  for matters!  Aki has a point!"

     "And do you think that people who have hurt you are un-scarred? pure and absolutely unhurt people?" - remarked Aki, sharply.

    Truth sank into the 3 minds as if some enlightenment had happened. But there was more to it...

     "True! There's this lady , who just got too pricky with me for no reason since few days. I did get affected initially and felt hurt. But then, I got to know about a very shattered side of hers outside the office! I pity her these days. If she gets happiness in showing herself up as something else, so it be!" - adding - " I dint feel it worth my time whining or thinking about her crankiness. This is just one of the examples! It's become a routine. I ain't gonna blame anybody as well!"

     "Love and care - I relearnt those from my nieces last week, when I had spent an entire weekend with them. I'd spent an amazing mushy time with them, they cared so much for me in fact. It's amazing. How well-connected they are with themselves and their play; they don't bother the world even when they face the same things that we do at this age! True. who has not come through jealousy in childhood days! nobody...and still we behave as if its the end of our world" - Vish got a little too philosophical this time. Nevertheless, she was right!

     "Like you said, Aki. I can instead spend my time on a more productive stuff! Like my Yoga classes...Yoga classes....I have got my answer, girls!" - Sam shone with a proud smile, continuing "and so have You, Vish" .. lookin at Vishaka. 

     Sam held in front of Vish, the tissue on which she had sketched a beautiful portrait with the glitter pens, while none was talking in the beginning.

     "This is YOU - as a child! This is what you need to spend time for, Vish" - Aki exclaimed to Vish, pointing out at the sketch.

     Vishaka glowed this time. The peace that she felt looking at her own work, was totally new. She stretched out her hands and hugged Akshaya.

     The entire conversation had a deeper meaning. They had never spoken this way ever before. Somewhere in the midst of unexpected twists and turns in their individual lives, their togetherness had progressed onto a new level without their realization!

     Following the hugs, there were a trail of deep conversations with each talking about interesting books; how best to invest their time on useful stuff; GenNext and the joys of playing young Aunts to their nieces and nephews,;their next Gang outing; and of course, Trishna. 

Akshaya had opened an awesome topic, but she herself was yet to figure out what she loved to do the most! Nevertheless, she was happy, and ignored this fact; leaving this thought to be pondered on some other time.

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    "Got to go, girls. Aadi's waiting for me". Vish and Sam got up too. It was time for all the 3 to make a move. They hugged each other and left towards the exit. Akshaya rushed towards Adi's bike while the other 2 were admiring the newly wedded couple.

     Aadi had just started his bike, when Akshaya's phone beeped with an incoming voice message. It was a message from Vish. She plugged on the earphones and was deeply pleased, to listen to her own voice..It was the song that Vish had secretly recorded while Aki was casually singing..at the table...

   It followed with another text message from Sam - "You were trying to figure out something, right;)"

     Aki turned back expectedly, Vish and Sam glaring at her and waving her a sweet goodbye...Each one smiled!

     It was time to give a call to Trishna, and update her of the chats they had...at the table..

     

Stagnated

Sunday evening...

It’s a big confusion in my mind. The fake lives around haunt me. The whole lot of  things I read to counter-attack this boredom, confuse me! I feel pressurized. One – of all the negative feelings dumped in me cz of the external factors. Two – of all the preparations I do and the thoughts I force myself to think, to counter-attack the former! Its Pressure – from both ends.

I just want to stay peaceful, healthy – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is all I ask for. Are these thaat difficult to achieve?  I just want a reason that keeps me smiling every minute from within. Is this too – a challenge? I want to be strong, content and happy enough so that I can stop myself from measuring others’ worth against mine. Is that something I need to strive too hard for? I just want to celebrate little joys of life – with family, friends, near n dear ones. Is this too little, rather, too much that I’m asking for from life? I just want to pursue my dreams, without disturbing the lives of people around me. Have I committed a crime by wanting to do so? Isn’t this something any ‘life’ is meant to do – prove his existence? I just want that one Love to reciprocate to me. Isn’t that YOU have created that special someone for all the lives on earth, or by any chance, forgotten to consider me…? I’m just feeling stuck…i dunno what to do..i dunno what m i doing..I’m just waiting…

He couldn’t pray that evening. He had knelt down on a bench in the church – to pray. But all that came to his mind were thoughts of these kinds. He did not dare to look up at the altar – else he would break down. He silently wept…

He was lost in deep thoughts. Life seemed to come to a standstill. Career did not show signs of growth. He was over worked. Lethargy had taken over all the time of his weekends. His future plans had come to a halt. Finding a girlfriend was out of question. Duties started to feel like a burden. He was stuck in the vicious circle, in the tug-of-war between dreams and commitments. He had shut down from his social world. The world seemed to have just no meaning. He'd started to lose confidence in himself. He just kept on waiting, and he dint know...for what.

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Just when he was thinking about things that were absolutely not happening in life, someone patted on his back. Startled! He turned to find out it was Vinay – the 15 year old lad, all set to give his Board exams.

“Prayer karne aaye ho?”

With a little false smile – ‘haan, beta’

‘arrey! Tumhe kya prayer ?’

He raised his eye brows in surprise with a light smirk, thinking of what to reply and before he could, the boy continued -

‘yaad hai prelims k time bola tha – Life will throw bigger challenges at you, only to make you stronger. Board exams kya cheez hai’ and a bright smile shone on his face. He continued – ‘dialogue kaam aya, boss. Mera saara tension door’.

This got him feeling amazed! He nodded, and then just when he was about to say something, the kid disappeared.

“Life will throw bigger challenges at you” – he recollected.  ‘Probably, this is one of those – feeling stuck at every area of life’ – he shrugged.

     He sat still on the bench, plainly looking at the altar, NOW with a little smile on himself. My words had really worked – and his smile grew little wider. Not bad - he thought.

After a few minutes, he heard some footsteps beside him, as if someone was approaching him. He turned aside and almost jumped out of joy.

‘MA’AM!!!!’ – he whispered at the loudest of his voice

‘SShhh! Quiet you kiddo’ – she replied with a big warm smile. It was his icon, one of the trainers from his very first company, who had delivered brilliant modules on Soft skills. After switching couple of companies, he had lost her contact. He did made several attempts later, to get to her. He tried hard, in fact. However, as his phase of quarter-life-crisis started taking reins of his mind – he eventually had forgotten about her. Now, after a long gap, he found her …

“So, I had told you not to give up your hobbies and do spend time for it. You used to played excellent guitar. Hows it going?” - she asked.

A sense of pang rushed through his nerves. He was thankful – at least he remembered what a guitar was, even if he had not played it since long!

She sensed the pain in him. ‘But you guys need not worry. It’s a mandate phase.  I have gone through it myself too. At that stage, you shouldn’t be giving up pursuing things that give you peace - your hobbies; dreams that are independent of all external factors. Remember to count your blessings daily, my boy’ – and went away with the same warm big smile.

Just after the lady went, he saw a man resembling his late grandpa approach him - 'Always remember this. When you feel stuck in life, walk along with time. Time never stops, though circumstances do!' These were the same words his grandpa had said to him, in his childhood!

And then one by one, all good things that had happened, all the good people he had come across, started passing by him - reminding him of all the wonderful things he had experienced in life!

Whats is going on by the way - he thought.  is this some sort of evaluation of my 'good deeds' versus 'bad deeds'? ...Gosh!  M I dead?!! I haven't lived  yet!!

He was just about to rush to his room, when he saw a boquet of flowers with a smiley card on it – ‘the one I gave it to my Princess Charming on her birthday’! [Princess Charming was a 7 year old little girl, the youngest in a nearby School and Home for the homeless. He used to visit often; but hadn’t visited since a while].

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The very thought of Princess Charming, woke him up from the deep slumber he had gone into, for a couple of minutes, while weeping.These few minutes, looked felt like ages! The stagnant feeling seemed like just a small passing cloud, in the midst of all the good things he had seen in life!

He looked at the idol – inside the altar - with gratitude! Something spoke to him – ‘When you feel stagnated in life, count all your blessings and move on. Life’s just giving you time to prepare for the next big positive thing. Chase yourself, boy!’ – this was perhaps his own voice, perhaps, the collective voice of the people he'd just dreamt of, or perhaps, the idol's!

Everything seemed to fall in place – the tears, the people, the memories of the conversations he had with them, the good things that he’d done – and also -  the voice that spoke to him!

He immediately took his bike and drove to the Ice cream shop.

‘Boss, tu yahan?’, Vinay - his classmate from school - whom he had dreamt of as a 10std kid just a while ago.

‘bachchon se milkar bahut time ho gaya, beta’

‘ohh k k..theek hai theek hai..Princess  Charming ko batana Vinay bhaiyya ne yaad kiya, phir kabhi aaunga..aaj ek call hai yaar,  firangi k saath – ghar se lena hai. Chal phir milte hain’. He waved his hand as Vinay drove towards his house. 

same old, same old – he thought.

‘Life will throw bigger challenges. Toh phir yeh kaunsi bala hai’ – Vinay shouted as if he'd read his mind.

‘saale tu bhoola nahi is dialog ko’ . Vinay had already gone...

With boxes full of ice creams, cookies and all the goodies – he rushed to the School which he had not visited for a long time. The kids remembered him. Princess Charming had grown up a little. There were tears in their eyes – of joy, this time! The kids greeted him with warmth that he had missed since a while, he reciprocated too. After a lot of merry-making, screaming and shouting, it was time for bhaiyya to play some music.

He took out his guitar and played all the numbers that were famous among his gang of kids. The kids demanded to play some New tracks that had become hits during this gap phase. He couldn’t play those – for reasons obvious! He promised to learn them though, and play the next time he visited.

Soon, the evening grew little dark and it was time for kids to get back to study. He was not wanting to go back, neither the kids. But, the inevitable had to happen.

After making promise of visiting the kids regularly and giving them good-bye kisses, he rode his way back home. Shiva’s Rhythm and Dance School - he halted, to check out for the Guitar sessions. Enrolled himself for a weekend batch, with no second thought - only for the kids - a sense of joy sprang from inside.

He had already started to feel better, a feel of getting hold of his life back. After dinner, he just flipped through the pages of a book he had started few weeks ago, and came across the lines that read –

 its not the question of how happy and content the world makes you feel  - what really matters is – how happy and content do YOU make the world feel!

Ah! He had found answers to almost all of the questions that he’d asked. He no more cared to think of the life that seemed stuck. Fretting over things that did not work out, did not make sense any more. Things dont get easier by just worrying about them - he thought. All he cared about was - the life that was in his hands, in his control. There was no looking back now.

He immediately logged into his Social networking Site account and sent across a public message to his friends, asking for his Trainer's contact. This time, he was determined to meet her!

*******************

Monday morning….

It was the same old desk. The same old people. The same old job and the same old targets. The only thing that was missing was - Worry - and this was replaced by - Hope! Remember – when you are feeling stuck, its just that life’s giving you time to prepare for the next big thing coming your way - it was the same voice.

He smiled, and continued with the task at hand…

Cheers,

Swatz