Who wrote this story...??...
Scene 1: The Unknown state of mind!
14:00 hours..in her cubicle....
She was nervous. Clearly, nervous! She never understood what had gotten the good off her, since the past few months...
She had her dance audition on that day, in her office. This was for a performance in an upcoming Staff party. The cribbing of lonely feeling just got heavier into her head on that day. She couldnot show her excitement to the people sitting around her; neither could she express her nervousness to anybody. The struggles by this one-year-ago-college-pass-out-just-6-months-in-IT being hired amidst the seniors-with-3-6-years-experience in the corporate were just too cranky! Lotsa gaps and differences!
'I wish they were here with me, atleast today' - she thought. Unable to control the uneasiness anymore, she purposely yelled at her teammates - 'm missing my college friends'. No response. As expected! [A guy from the other cubicle was kind enough to give her a smile. He'd gone so deep inside his system monitor, that the the gal's loud note had just woke him up!].
'y so?' - asked the guy sitting next to her (thank god! atleast somebody responds!).
'cz this is the first time i am gonna dance without them around', (she knew that that was a meek reason, but then that was the fact!)The guy never made sense of what she'd just told. 'Dont worry. Just give in your best'. She thanked him...
Immediately, she updated her status on facebook to this - "What do u do, when u are nervous and u dont have anybody around, to assure you that things are fine..." - that was the last and the only way to let out her feelings...to let her friends know, how she was feeling at the moment!
[... .Ever since she'd joined her second company, she'd been missing her old friends, PEOPLE. Felt lonely a lot. This was hardly the case in the place where she worked previously, where she'd made the best of pals! The coffee breaks, snack breaks,lunch breaks, the huge gangs - everything used to be just fun. Whereas here, everything was anything else - but fun! Music, work and her own company - were the things she enjoyed the most here, more than the breaks!...]
******
The Auditions were scheduled at another location of the Company, a few kms away from the place where she was working.
******
Scene 2: A new friend, has come...:),
Audition Hall: 16:00 hours...
Here too! She knew nobody! She was just sitting at a corner..all by herself..
[...It was only her passion for dance, that had brought her here.she'd never thought of the mental turbulence that she might get into, handling all the things by herself. She'd never thought how lost she would feel, amidst the bunch of new people. She never knew she would get soo nervous, at the thought of performing infront people she had never known (perhaps, would never know!) Despite her age, she was still a kid! She knew that! For a moment, she just felt like quitting and fleeing home! ...]
With great difficulty, she collected her thoughts..and desparately started waiting for three things to happen!
1: A 'friend/companion' whom she could relate to! (something which looked next-to-impossible to happen!)
2: The show to begin.
3: Her turn. (this was what she had come for. Her restless was growing exponentially with time, and she just wanted to finish off her performance and run away from there.) Not that she was not prepared for the dance. Infact, she had put her sweat and blood for it, in the last 2 days. But this place, just seemed to throw a lot of negative energy around her. She was too uncomfy. Moreover, she hadnt had any food after the brunch early in the afternoon! ..and that just added to her distress.
16:30...
The show began(not with a bang though!). The performances went on..one by one.
Back there, at the dressing room - she started singing the song for which she'd practised her performance. This was the first time ever, that she took care of the entire jig all by herself - right from choreography - to the costumes - to the make up..in n out of it!And she had nobody around to tell her if she was doing it the right way or what!
'You gonna sing this song, is it?' - she got startled. Another participant had just entered the dressing room.
'No - m gonna dance! Just that i couldnot rehearse, and i left my mobile phone at my colleague's desk..dont have the song right now with me.. so m recollecting the steps by singing it!..what about you? - she asked the gal who now stood next to her.
'M gonna sing this song' - she played a kannada song in her mobile phone. 'have you ever heard it?'
'Umm..nope! but sounds good..do you have a karaoke for it?'
'Nooo..thats what i am worried about' - with a nervousness similar to the other girl, who had had a horrible time so far! Trring trring..the singer's phone rang, and she started talking over the phone.
The other girl got busy with dressing herself up, humming the song for which she was gonna dance!
'what's your name' ? -to the chap, who had just finished talking over the phone.
'Arpana.. Whats yours?'
'Deepika...' , and both of them exchanged smiles.
'Seri, could you please listen to my song while you are applying that make up on you.. And tell me how was it...? m getting nervous...'
'So am I ! chalo..sing..dont get nervous...' [this was one thing Deepika loved to do! Motivate and pacify others, even if she herself was in a deep shit!]
Busy as she got, with her own stuff, and with no clue as to what the other girl was singing; she just pretended to be listening. Nevertheless, the singer cared a damn of whether she was being heard or not! Both were concentrating on their respective mirror images! The former (quite understandable) with her make-up for the dance; the latter - just looking at her image and singing to herself!
'Brilliant! You sang well..indeed!' - Deepika was just done with her make up, and was all set for the dance.
'Classical dance aa?' - asked Arpana.
'Wow..does it look so?' - asked Deepika , with a genuine smile on her face (the FIRST smile of the day for her!). 'Its actually a semi-classical..few bollywood steps and very little classical' - she added with full excitement!
[...She was overjoyed now For the first time, she managed to pull it off, all alone - Dress up according to the dance! Of course, this costume was just a tentative one, for the sake of auditions. But then, she DID manage it all alone! [Just a year ago, the story was entirely different, where she had her friends go wild at her, with her disastrous costume ideas for the same dance..and the last-minute hallahooo that she had caused! Of course, this time she was being extra careful with everything. No friends around...means no back up..means no chance for last-minute goof ups!]...]
'Yeah..u look in perfect outfit for that form of a dance' ..
There was a brightness in Deepika's face! Something that had been missing for a long time now!
'Shall i show you few steps here itself? i know the lyrics..ll sing and dance'
'Sure!..even m curious to see what you gonna do with that costume!'
*****few steps with the song****
'ivalo expressions irukku la..podhum..vaa polam..else we miss out our turns' [This much of expressions is sufficient. come lets go..else we miss out our turns] – and Arpana started packing Deepika’s bag.
'chalo chalo chalo...lets go' – Deepika, in her typical jab-we-met style.
..thus, in a couple of minutes, each had got a new companion in the other, the only cheer-leader, for the day....something which she had thought almost impossible to happen..birds of the same feather, flock together!
Scene 3: The Performance! Breathless! (A kiddie in the biggie-wiggies' world!)
Audition Hall:
Host: ‘Do we have Deepika Iyer in the hall?’
[This was limits! Insult! Throughout the show, she d been sitting right behind the same guy! She had reached there with her new friend, well in advance. Just an hour ago, she d gone to the same guy, to ask about her turn. And this ass on the stage asked, if she was present there or not! Never mind. Performance matters!]
She deligently raised her arm (like a school kid giving attendance), with a strange expression on her face [She looked as lost, as confused the host looked. ‘Is this tiny girl an EMPLOYEE? – he must have thought!)
Host:
“Okay, may I have Deepika Iyer on stage please” [with absolutely no ‘welcoming’ feeling, no smile, no made-up josh as he’d done till then. Looked more of a ‘just-did-what-he-was-supposed-to-do types’..!]
Music started….
Koi jo mila toh mujhe, aisa lagta tha jaise, meri saari duniya me, geethon ki ruth aur rangon ki barkha hai……..
..and she swayed to the music..completely immersed in it…
Nothing was in her mind, except for the dance and the song
3 minutes of performance got over…
The audience which were howling, shouting and enjoying the jhatka-matkas of zandu balms and ringa ringas (which were overloaded)..till the last performance, now had turned completele mum..which meant either of the following 2:
1) It was too bad to be taken by them.
2) It was too good, that it had left the crowd speechless! [of course, this was not the same old zandu balm or a ringa ringa jig! The girl had NOT come here to become an item girl and show some cheap jhatka-matkas to the frustrated corps'es! She had come here to DANCE..to perform!]
…..pyaar ki yaaden hai, main hun aur khoye huye pyaar ki yaaden,
Main hun aur khoye huye, pyaar ki yaaden hain
Huff……
……And before she could get up and thank the audience, there was a huge round of applause! She had just done it! And more than happy, she felt...RELIEVED!…
***************
Scene 4: The result!
She really couldnot figure out the reason for the audience being too silent during her performance. And she really needed some assurance (which she did not get till the end).
Post her performance, few people, came up to her..gave tips for the costumes, for the main performance (confident on her, that she would surely get through). The best compliment she’d got for the day was, when a lady came to her and told her that her dance was ELEGANT, and the EXPRESSIONS just made that more beautiful (the two words felt as beautiful!)! Though her new friend congratulated her and assured her that she would get selected, somewhere in the core of her heart, she knew that she wouldnot make it..ONLY because this was not a regular zandu balm move!
..And she was right! She DIDNOT get through...(her gut feelings never 'gave hand' to her till date!)
..What she'd thought was impossible to happen, ended up seeing the light-of-the-day, in an unexpected way! And what people thought would happen (she too wished it would), never actually did!
...She came out of the Audition Hall - with a new person in life n a bag full of compliments on one hand...and a pinch of disappointment on the other!...
Scene 5:The climax
Around 19:30 hours (post the auditions, back to office-mode)..inside the campus..
She took a walk around the beautiful shopping area, that was right outside her office building..within the same campus. The teddy-bears were waiting for her glance, at the toy-store. She admired the soft-toys for a while from outside the store. Wished somebody gifted that to her, right at that moment..and pacified her from all the turmoil she'd been through, the entire day..
After few minutes of peace and self-consolation, and a chat with her brother; she regained her peace of mind!
At the entrance of the building (where her desk was located) - 'Hi' - to this guy whom she was always curious to talk to since the day she saw him [more on this, in some other post ;) ]. Another good thing happening in the day(evening, to be specific)!
She went back at her desk, all silent and pretending-composed, as if nothing had happened.
Turned on the music, in her new walkman mobile phone...
She smiled to herself, when the words 'la la la la life is Crazayyyy......' played in her ears. Life indeed had been crazy on that day!...The song had become one of her life-mantras since that day
............
Scene 6: EOD! (End of Day!)
...back at home...
She checked her facebook account, to see if anybody'd commented on her status. Bingo! People did! that was enough to convince her that she was not alone.they care...
It was yet another colorful day, but that of the 'lesser bright shades'...
'...What was that!' - she woke up with a wave of energy. Did yesterday just pass? 'yeah - its gone forever...!' - said to herself..Thanks heavens!
'Wake up, Deeps...else m gonna have breakfast without you' - shouted her sister.
'How many times do I ask you to clean your wardrobe and the book shelf.. get up you lazy bones!' - mom.
'Good morning deary..done with your sleep? time to get up' - dad.......
And a lot of sms'es from friends on the mobile phone..one of them read, 'dont think about yesterday's thing anymore...they dunno the meaning of dance!'..[SALUTE to the sender]..!:D
A new day had arrived! Another colorful day...
.........of what kind of shades ? - was a challenge she had to explore.........
----
insha allah..this story will have a sequel..but after a year...
Cheers,
Scene 1: The Unknown state of mind!
14:00 hours..in her cubicle....
She was nervous. Clearly, nervous! She never understood what had gotten the good off her, since the past few months...
She had her dance audition on that day, in her office. This was for a performance in an upcoming Staff party. The cribbing of lonely feeling just got heavier into her head on that day. She couldnot show her excitement to the people sitting around her; neither could she express her nervousness to anybody. The struggles by this one-year-ago-college-pass-out-just-6-months-in-IT being hired amidst the seniors-with-3-6-years-experience in the corporate were just too cranky! Lotsa gaps and differences!
'I wish they were here with me, atleast today' - she thought. Unable to control the uneasiness anymore, she purposely yelled at her teammates - 'm missing my college friends'. No response. As expected! [A guy from the other cubicle was kind enough to give her a smile. He'd gone so deep inside his system monitor, that the the gal's loud note had just woke him up!].
'y so?' - asked the guy sitting next to her (thank god! atleast somebody responds!).
'cz this is the first time i am gonna dance without them around', (she knew that that was a meek reason, but then that was the fact!)The guy never made sense of what she'd just told. 'Dont worry. Just give in your best'. She thanked him...
Immediately, she updated her status on facebook to this - "What do u do, when u are nervous and u dont have anybody around, to assure you that things are fine..." - that was the last and the only way to let out her feelings...to let her friends know, how she was feeling at the moment!
[... .Ever since she'd joined her second company, she'd been missing her old friends, PEOPLE. Felt lonely a lot. This was hardly the case in the place where she worked previously, where she'd made the best of pals! The coffee breaks, snack breaks,lunch breaks, the huge gangs - everything used to be just fun. Whereas here, everything was anything else - but fun! Music, work and her own company - were the things she enjoyed the most here, more than the breaks!...]
******
The Auditions were scheduled at another location of the Company, a few kms away from the place where she was working.
******
Scene 2: A new friend, has come...:),
Audition Hall: 16:00 hours...
Here too! She knew nobody! She was just sitting at a corner..all by herself..
[...It was only her passion for dance, that had brought her here.she'd never thought of the mental turbulence that she might get into, handling all the things by herself. She'd never thought how lost she would feel, amidst the bunch of new people. She never knew she would get soo nervous, at the thought of performing infront people she had never known (perhaps, would never know!) Despite her age, she was still a kid! She knew that! For a moment, she just felt like quitting and fleeing home! ...]
With great difficulty, she collected her thoughts..and desparately started waiting for three things to happen!
1: A 'friend/companion' whom she could relate to! (something which looked next-to-impossible to happen!)
2: The show to begin.
3: Her turn. (this was what she had come for. Her restless was growing exponentially with time, and she just wanted to finish off her performance and run away from there.) Not that she was not prepared for the dance. Infact, she had put her sweat and blood for it, in the last 2 days. But this place, just seemed to throw a lot of negative energy around her. She was too uncomfy. Moreover, she hadnt had any food after the brunch early in the afternoon! ..and that just added to her distress.
16:30...
The show began(not with a bang though!). The performances went on..one by one.
Back there, at the dressing room - she started singing the song for which she'd practised her performance. This was the first time ever, that she took care of the entire jig all by herself - right from choreography - to the costumes - to the make up..in n out of it!And she had nobody around to tell her if she was doing it the right way or what!
'You gonna sing this song, is it?' - she got startled. Another participant had just entered the dressing room.
'No - m gonna dance! Just that i couldnot rehearse, and i left my mobile phone at my colleague's desk..dont have the song right now with me.. so m recollecting the steps by singing it!..what about you? - she asked the gal who now stood next to her.
'M gonna sing this song' - she played a kannada song in her mobile phone. 'have you ever heard it?'
'Umm..nope! but sounds good..do you have a karaoke for it?'
'Nooo..thats what i am worried about' - with a nervousness similar to the other girl, who had had a horrible time so far! Trring trring..the singer's phone rang, and she started talking over the phone.
The other girl got busy with dressing herself up, humming the song for which she was gonna dance!
'what's your name' ? -to the chap, who had just finished talking over the phone.
'Arpana.. Whats yours?'
'Deepika...' , and both of them exchanged smiles.
'Seri, could you please listen to my song while you are applying that make up on you.. And tell me how was it...? m getting nervous...'
'So am I ! chalo..sing..dont get nervous...' [this was one thing Deepika loved to do! Motivate and pacify others, even if she herself was in a deep shit!]
Busy as she got, with her own stuff, and with no clue as to what the other girl was singing; she just pretended to be listening. Nevertheless, the singer cared a damn of whether she was being heard or not! Both were concentrating on their respective mirror images! The former (quite understandable) with her make-up for the dance; the latter - just looking at her image and singing to herself!
'Brilliant! You sang well..indeed!' - Deepika was just done with her make up, and was all set for the dance.
'Classical dance aa?' - asked Arpana.
'Wow..does it look so?' - asked Deepika , with a genuine smile on her face (the FIRST smile of the day for her!). 'Its actually a semi-classical..few bollywood steps and very little classical' - she added with full excitement!
[...She was overjoyed now For the first time, she managed to pull it off, all alone - Dress up according to the dance! Of course, this costume was just a tentative one, for the sake of auditions. But then, she DID manage it all alone! [Just a year ago, the story was entirely different, where she had her friends go wild at her, with her disastrous costume ideas for the same dance..and the last-minute hallahooo that she had caused! Of course, this time she was being extra careful with everything. No friends around...means no back up..means no chance for last-minute goof ups!]...]
'Yeah..u look in perfect outfit for that form of a dance' ..
There was a brightness in Deepika's face! Something that had been missing for a long time now!
'Shall i show you few steps here itself? i know the lyrics..ll sing and dance'
'Sure!..even m curious to see what you gonna do with that costume!'
*****few steps with the song****
'ivalo expressions irukku la..podhum..vaa polam..else we miss out our turns' [This much of expressions is sufficient. come lets go..else we miss out our turns] – and Arpana started packing Deepika’s bag.
'chalo chalo chalo...lets go' – Deepika, in her typical jab-we-met style.
..thus, in a couple of minutes, each had got a new companion in the other, the only cheer-leader, for the day....something which she had thought almost impossible to happen..birds of the same feather, flock together!
Scene 3: The Performance! Breathless! (A kiddie in the biggie-wiggies' world!)
Audition Hall:
Host: ‘Do we have Deepika Iyer in the hall?’
[This was limits! Insult! Throughout the show, she d been sitting right behind the same guy! She had reached there with her new friend, well in advance. Just an hour ago, she d gone to the same guy, to ask about her turn. And this ass on the stage asked, if she was present there or not! Never mind. Performance matters!]
She deligently raised her arm (like a school kid giving attendance), with a strange expression on her face [She looked as lost, as confused the host looked. ‘Is this tiny girl an EMPLOYEE? – he must have thought!)
Host:
“Okay, may I have Deepika Iyer on stage please” [with absolutely no ‘welcoming’ feeling, no smile, no made-up josh as he’d done till then. Looked more of a ‘just-did-what-he-was-supposed-to-do types’..!]
Music started….
Koi jo mila toh mujhe, aisa lagta tha jaise, meri saari duniya me, geethon ki ruth aur rangon ki barkha hai……..
..and she swayed to the music..completely immersed in it…
Nothing was in her mind, except for the dance and the song
3 minutes of performance got over…
The audience which were howling, shouting and enjoying the jhatka-matkas of zandu balms and ringa ringas (which were overloaded)..till the last performance, now had turned completele mum..which meant either of the following 2:
1) It was too bad to be taken by them.
2) It was too good, that it had left the crowd speechless! [of course, this was not the same old zandu balm or a ringa ringa jig! The girl had NOT come here to become an item girl and show some cheap jhatka-matkas to the frustrated corps'es! She had come here to DANCE..to perform!]
…..pyaar ki yaaden hai, main hun aur khoye huye pyaar ki yaaden,
Main hun aur khoye huye, pyaar ki yaaden hain
Huff……
……And before she could get up and thank the audience, there was a huge round of applause! She had just done it! And more than happy, she felt...RELIEVED!…
***************
Scene 4: The result!
She really couldnot figure out the reason for the audience being too silent during her performance. And she really needed some assurance (which she did not get till the end).
Post her performance, few people, came up to her..gave tips for the costumes, for the main performance (confident on her, that she would surely get through). The best compliment she’d got for the day was, when a lady came to her and told her that her dance was ELEGANT, and the EXPRESSIONS just made that more beautiful (the two words felt as beautiful!)! Though her new friend congratulated her and assured her that she would get selected, somewhere in the core of her heart, she knew that she wouldnot make it..ONLY because this was not a regular zandu balm move!
..And she was right! She DIDNOT get through...(her gut feelings never 'gave hand' to her till date!)
..What she'd thought was impossible to happen, ended up seeing the light-of-the-day, in an unexpected way! And what people thought would happen (she too wished it would), never actually did!
...She came out of the Audition Hall - with a new person in life n a bag full of compliments on one hand...and a pinch of disappointment on the other!...
Scene 5:The climax
Around 19:30 hours (post the auditions, back to office-mode)..inside the campus..
She took a walk around the beautiful shopping area, that was right outside her office building..within the same campus. The teddy-bears were waiting for her glance, at the toy-store. She admired the soft-toys for a while from outside the store. Wished somebody gifted that to her, right at that moment..and pacified her from all the turmoil she'd been through, the entire day..
After few minutes of peace and self-consolation, and a chat with her brother; she regained her peace of mind!
At the entrance of the building (where her desk was located) - 'Hi' - to this guy whom she was always curious to talk to since the day she saw him [more on this, in some other post ;) ]. Another good thing happening in the day(evening, to be specific)!
She went back at her desk, all silent and pretending-composed, as if nothing had happened.
Turned on the music, in her new walkman mobile phone...
She smiled to herself, when the words 'la la la la life is Crazayyyy......' played in her ears. Life indeed had been crazy on that day!...The song had become one of her life-mantras since that day
............
Scene 6: EOD! (End of Day!)
...back at home...
She checked her facebook account, to see if anybody'd commented on her status. Bingo! People did! that was enough to convince her that she was not alone.they care...
It was yet another colorful day, but that of the 'lesser bright shades'...
***
Epilogue:
'Wake up, Deeps...else m gonna have breakfast without you' - shouted her sister.
'How many times do I ask you to clean your wardrobe and the book shelf.. get up you lazy bones!' - mom.
'Good morning deary..done with your sleep? time to get up' - dad.......
And a lot of sms'es from friends on the mobile phone..one of them read, 'dont think about yesterday's thing anymore...they dunno the meaning of dance!'..[SALUTE to the sender]..!:D
A new day had arrived! Another colorful day...
.........of what kind of shades ? - was a challenge she had to explore.........
----
....Coz the shades of blues,
and those lesser bright,
are too, but a part of
the pure white light.........
Cheers,
Bravo Swati... i misseed to c u dancing....
ReplyDelete@Baba: u really made my day:) i was wondering if i wud gain any reader for this post:P..n abt missing my dance..no worries..milkar naachenge kisi din:):):D:D
ReplyDeletehey..chwatttiii..gud blog.i felt like i was seeing u doing all those...really a nice one.
ReplyDeletethe way of ur self consoling and taking it easy was too gud..
u can surely write a gud book with all ur experiences..
keep it up dear...:)
@manasa: thank u soooooo much:D:D..had u been there, we wud ve shared the exp together:P and book..yep ll surely write it some day:)
ReplyDeleteAfter reading i remembered ur dance that u did in ur college!!!! They dint select u this time, bcos others dint want a tough competition ;) Good write such lengthy and nice blogs ... atleast for some time we forget our tensions & busy-ness... !!!!
ReplyDeletereally swathiiiiiiiii missed ur dance...
ReplyDelete@abc: yeah..my ego agrees to whatever u said:P..and thenks..no fear when i yam here..:P:D
ReplyDelete@vidya: thanks so much for visiting my bloggie:)n dont worry, v ll meet up n dance some day together:)
wow!!!swa this is awesome the way u have expressed ur feelings on that day...superb da..Reminds me of our college days nd ur performance..
ReplyDeleteha ha ha sure....vl do that
ReplyDelete